Why did we grow up?!! Random mishaps of the mind!!

I remember looking up at my sis who is thirteen years elder to me, envying the freedom she had.. to do what she wanted… going out with her friends… her opinions being valued by my parents cuz she was an adult, someone mature and responsible. I was so desperate to grow up.. so I wouldn’t have to wake up early to go to school.. so that I wouldn’t be scared in my Chemistry class ‘cuz I didn’t know a certain formula.. so that I could have the freedom to go out by myself.. so that my opinions are heard.

Today, I am somewhat there where I dreamt to be a few years back.. And looking back I question myself.. Was I in my right mind to want all those things while not appreciating what I had? I did not have a regular school life, thanks to having my mum at school.. But hey I was blessed with soo many wonderful friends.. those whom I treasure even today… I knew I would meet them the next day in school.. we would chat… we would play together… crib.. cry.. laugh… there would always be a tomorrow… A Saturday or Sunday meant heartbreak cuz that meant being away from friends…

I am 22 years old.. an adult if we go by age standards.. I earn.. I can go wherever I want.. with whoever I want… my opinions are valued.. in fact I make soo many decisions about so many things that it really scares me!! Life seems such an uphill battle.. If I’m happy, I’m questioning myself.. If I’m sad I’m blaming all the world and God.. to meet my friends, we all have to match our schedules.. then someone is free…someone isn’t! There is a constant battle in heart and mind about everything under the sun.. why the hell don’t we appreciate what we have till that is lost!! I wonder where life is taking me.. what’s right.. what’s wrong.. I question every action I take.. I cry watching a senti movie, then laugh at myself for being so stupid.. my heart and mind are at constant loggerheads… I miss my sister, I miss my friends.. I regret so many decisions in my life… I regret letting go of soo many people… and then I wonder what would’ve happened had I done things differently.. But then again, everything we say or do makes our life what it is today..

I used to get irritated earlier about the number of frndz and the lack of time to be with them all.. If I met one group, others used to be angry.. And I used to get tickled about how childish they acted.. Today I miss that.. I miss being missed.. I miss having the liberty of time… I don’t know where I am going.. what I am doing.. why I am doing.. Who do I wanna be with.. Who I wanna forget.. Wish life was just a little bit simpler… when the only decision I had to make was choosing the ice-cream flavor I wanted to have.. I soo wish not to show anyone what’s in my heart and mind.. Then again, I am pretty great at that as well, eh?!! I remember during winters I used to make caves with my quilt and pretended I was protecting my clan, my friends, my family within that cave.. Today, I again wanna roll back into that cave and just hide away.. from the world.. from myself.. my thoughts.. my feelings…

And at the end of these 600 odd words, I again wonder what the hell I wanted to write and what I actually put down!!!

Take a chance on me!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-crgQGdpZR0&feature=related

Take a chance on me... (ABBA)

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you
It's magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(Come on, give me a break will you?)
Take a chance on me
Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It's magic
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

Changing Ends...

And Life takes a turn.. for the better?!.. I surely do hope so!!!... For the worse?!... Sorry I'm not scared!!


A month back I was dejected still seemingly optimistic.. Angry stilll calm on the surface.... Scared still not willing to let others know... Just for the sake of myself!!!... I did not want to see all those emotions on other people's faces when they looked back at me!... It still felt good when I could wipe my friends' tears when I was sobbing within, when even if I was confused about life, I could make it a little more sense for someone, when even though I was scared inside, I still could see the hope on my parents' faces when they looked at me!

Frankly, life has not changed drastically since then. So I ponder what is difference this time round.. And I knw the answer.. My attitude!.. towards life in general. I want to believe that life would give me my share of joy, my share of peace!..

Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance...:-) :-) 

So I promised myself that I won't give up... I won't give in... I won't break.. When I'll smile, I'll mean it!.. Because my one smile lights up the faces of those who love me... for ME!! My family, my friends - MY WORLD. Wouldn't it be verry selfish of me that to run away from my life, I take them on my nightmarish journey too.. The devils inside me I have to fight!.. Better to have a smile on my face when I kill them than a scowl!

Much too often we take for granted those who are the closest to us, the ones who give without hesitation, we fail to show them how much they mean to us!!!..

 Now it's a new beginning for me!.. One full of hope, joy, optimism, love. Nothing has changed... apart from the way I look at things now!.. I do get angry.. But I get over it quickly... I do get sad.. But I don't let myself be like that for long.. I do get impatient.. But then I laugh it off as my special qualities!!!... Life isn't all that Haa Haa Hee Hee but then again ...I am Happy... When I smile, I know I'm content.. And even if life doesn't turn out to be the way I might want it, It's okie.. Atleast I'll be able to live it with a light heart!

I have always enjoyed meeting new people, sharing thoughts, understanding them, what makes some people similar, what makes them different... how some people have an easy view of life while some have a hardened opinion thanks to Life's trials!.. But I now know that hardship doesn't always mean misery, it also means strength!... So now when I'm meeting a lot of new people, getting to know them, I once more enjoy it whole-heartedly. 

Besides everything ofcourse, I'm back to writing.. whatever little.. whatever arbit I manage to write.. I do write.. and when afterwards I read it, most of the times I just laugh my head off.. I can really be pretty melodramatic at times :D And I devote time to reading.. something which I've intended for a long times now but haven't done in a while... It's great to BE BACK!

So for now, it's back to MiCoffee, MiFamily,MiFriendz,MiCricket,MiFood and MiLife :).. and hey It's not even THAT bad!! :P

The ABC of Indian media

ADVERTISING, BOLLYWOOD, CORPORATE POWER – P. Sainath

Every issue is now reduced to a fight between individuals, heroic, villainous or just fun figures. So the complex issues behind the shunning of Pakistani cricketers by the Indian Premier League are reduced to a fight between Shah Rukh Khan and Bal Thackeray. (As one television channel began its programme: “Shah Rukh stands tall. His message to the nation …”). The agonies of Bundelkhand are not about hunger and distress in our Tiger Economy. They are just a stand-off between Rahul Gandhi and Mayawati. The issues of language and migrations in Maharashtra are merely a battle between Rahul Gandhi and Uddhav Thackeray. And the coverage is all about who blinked first, who lost face.

Read the full article here

The Rise of Rural BPO

It Takes a Village: The Rise of Rural BPO

"Do you really think women can work on computers?" Men in Bagar genuinely wanted to know the answer to that question when Source for Change – an initiative of the Mumbai-based Piramal Foundation -- set up an all-women BPO (business process outsourcing) center in this small village in India's Rajasthan state. The skepticism didn't end even after Source for Change selected 10 women from 25 applicants in August 2007. Wary men would accompany their wives or daughters to the training center and then wait around until they were ready to return home.
More than two years later, men still drop in unannounced at the remodeled house that serves as Source for Change's combined headquarters and training center. But these are not the same suspicious husbands and fathers. Instead, they are individuals hoping to find jobs for the women in their families. "They realized that we made available the two most valued symbols of social status here: English and computers," says Karthik Raman, head of business development for Source for Change. "Some of the women who work here earn more than the men in their families. They now have a voice at the table."

For more,Read http://online.wsj.com/article/SB126682578363549633.html

Life Without limbs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOlTdkYXuzE&NR=1

This is a video of Nick Vujicic interacting with school students during one of his motivational visits Came across it on youtube when one of my friends,K, dedicated it to me-thinking it might motivate me!!.. I don't know if I was motivated or not but it did touch my heart and I thought I should share it on my blog.

Nick Vujicic (born 4 December 1982) is a preacher, a motivational speaker and the director of Life Without Limbs, an organization for the physically disabled.

Vujicic was born in Melbourne, Australia with the rare Tetra-ameliadisorder: limbless, missing both arms at shoulder level, and legless but with two small feet, one of which has two toes.Vujicic was otherwise healthy.

Waiting is a trap!!!

"How much of human life is lost in Waiting."

~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

So True... All I seem to be doing these days is wait!!...Wait for my entrances to finish..wait for the results.. wait for further disappointment...wait for life to get more crappy... wait for another shot taken at me by life's bow and arrow...wait for life to make a little sense... wait for my sister to turn up online so I could talk to her...wait for a friend to message me asking how I am instead of forwarding me useless messages...wait to be told what more needs to be done...wait for myself to get more angry,agitated,restless,lonely... wait wait and More wait...

Sometimes it pisses you off when you realize how much you are willing to wait for the special people or happenings in your life.. However, as is the case for most things desired by your heart, the wait culminates into longing and eventually disappointment...Ahh.. what a waste!!!

“Years go by will I still be waiting for somebody else to understand... sometimes I hear my voice and it's been here, silent all these years...”

~~Tori Amos

Listening Now

Listening Now.. By Anjana Appachana

One of the best novels I have read till date.. Full of intense emotion and beautiful descriptions..

Some excerpts from the novel which aptly describe some thoughts and emotions which all of us have felt sometime or the other...

"A story that smiles can be rooted in a heart stunned and stunted with grief.."

"Never trust fate,or for that matter,tempt it. Remember that whatever happens, you must keep your belief in yourself intact.With that belief, you can survive anything.For, in life, anything can happen. Anything."

"Men don't look for brains in women.And if a woman has brains then men don't see it."

Life in all its glory(Read Crap)

Approaching the end of my entrances... The journey started some 4 months back with back-to-back entrances... The four longest months of my life... they gave me hope... they gave me anxiety.. they gave me nerves... they gave me sleepless nights... above all they gave me something to focus my energies on... After having finished my Graduation in May and having a lot of time on my hands, I finally had something to work towards... However, as is always the matter-A long standing joke actually- M came in2 focus again.. She and her self-obsession... I guess whenever I wanna do something concrete about my life and strive to carve a niche for myself Life in all its glory comes into play.... After all wouldn't it too bad if I did have something to be happy about?!!!..

Life's been very hard the last 4 years.. and its been EXXXTRA hard the past one year... somewhere along the way... and I can say that with firm belief... I have lost myself...not many would have noticed that change... Not even those close to me... All of them would describe it as my new-found maturity..wisdom...they say I've become responsible.. strong...I have become all of these.. but what is the price I have paid for all these high n mighty words... I have learnt Life's lessons-hard... One may say what's the big deal about it... everyone does... and may be they don't even make a hue and cry like I'm making... one may even say I'm being melodramatic right now.. but in my heart I know where my conviction lies...

I was a happy child.. I remember my parents and sister always telling me that I was an easy-going,happy child... That I Have been lucky enough to not have seen the difficulties they had seen when they where settling down.. may be even I had some stuff easy... But I never cease to wonder if God had cunningly planned me to enjoy the laughter of childhood to make up for the horrors of adulthood...or infact my early adulthood... Seems all I'm doing is fighting... always.. without being able to catch my breath... Like a roller coaster gone horrible wrong... like a train derailed... I don't even ask WHY ME?!!.. I ask... WHAT NEXT?!!.. And surely... like a serpent waiting to attack.. the next problem looms over my head...

I have become the mobile advertisement for sad-depressed-angry-frustrated.. and the best part is I can't show it to anyone... for I would hate any sympathy that may come my way...besides that I'm pretty used to the happy and content mast i wear.. No doubt its been put to test much more lately.. However I am determined not to lose this battle...

Wish I were a child again... when all I had to worry about was petty fight with friends or telling dad what I wanted for lunch the next day in school tiffin...

The song from 3 Idiots is so apt... It could be my song for life...

Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again ...

If only I had that second chance at growing up... 'cuz I most definitely missed that stage when I had to grow up quickly...for my sake or for those who matter..