Approaching the end of my entrances... The journey started some 4 months back with back-to-back entrances... The four longest months of my life... they gave me hope... they gave me anxiety.. they gave me nerves... they gave me sleepless nights... above all they gave me something to focus my energies on... After having finished my Graduation in May and having a lot of time on my hands, I finally had something to work towards... However, as is always the matter-A long standing joke actually- M came in2 focus again.. She and her self-obsession... I guess whenever I wanna do something concrete about my life and strive to carve a niche for myself Life in all its glory comes into play.... After all wouldn't it too bad if I did have something to be happy about?!!!..
Life's been very hard the last 4 years.. and its been EXXXTRA hard the past one year... somewhere along the way... and I can say that with firm belief... I have lost myself...not many would have noticed that change... Not even those close to me... All of them would describe it as my new-found maturity..wisdom...they say I've become responsible.. strong...I have become all of these.. but what is the price I have paid for all these high n mighty words... I have learnt Life's lessons-hard... One may say what's the big deal about it... everyone does... and may be they don't even make a hue and cry like I'm making... one may even say I'm being melodramatic right now.. but in my heart I know where my conviction lies...
I was a happy child.. I remember my parents and sister always telling me that I was an easy-going,happy child... That I Have been lucky enough to not have seen the difficulties they had seen when they where settling down.. may be even I had some stuff easy... But I never cease to wonder if God had cunningly planned me to enjoy the laughter of childhood to make up for the horrors of adulthood...or infact my early adulthood... Seems all I'm doing is fighting... always.. without being able to catch my breath... Like a roller coaster gone horrible wrong... like a train derailed... I don't even ask WHY ME?!!.. I ask... WHAT NEXT?!!.. And surely... like a serpent waiting to attack.. the next problem looms over my head...
I have become the mobile advertisement for sad-depressed-angry-frustrated.. and the best part is I can't show it to anyone... for I would hate any sympathy that may come my way...besides that I'm pretty used to the happy and content mast i wear.. No doubt its been put to test much more lately.. However I am determined not to lose this battle...
Wish I were a child again... when all I had to worry about was petty fight with friends or telling dad what I wanted for lunch the next day in school tiffin...
The song from 3 Idiots is so apt... It could be my song for life...
Give me some sunshine
Give me some rain
Give me another chance
I wanna grow up once again ...
If only I had that second chance at growing up... 'cuz I most definitely missed that stage when I had to grow up quickly...for my sake or for those who matter..
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