Jiyen kyun.. Dum maaro dum

Na aaye ho, na aaoge, na phone pe bulaoge

Na shaam ki karaari chai, labhon se yun pilaoge

Na aaye ho, na aaoge, na din dhale sataoge

Na raat ki nashili bye se neendh mein jagaoge

Gaye tum gaye ho kyun, yeh raat baaki hai

Gaye tum gaye ho kyun, saath baaki hai

Gaye tum gaye hum tham gaye har baat baaki hai

Gaye kyun toh jiyein kyun

Na aaye ho, na aaoge, na dooriyaan dhikhaoge

Na thaam ke woh josh mein yun hosh se udaoge

Na aaye ho, na aaoge, na jhoot se sunaoge

Na rooth ke sihane mein, remote ko chupaoge

Gaye tum gaye ho kyun, yeh raat baaki hai

Gaye tum gaye ho kyun, saath baaki hai

Gaye tum gaye hum tham gaye har baat baaki hai

Gaye kyun toh jiyein kyun

Aankh bhi tham gayi, na thaki

Raat bhi na bhati, na kati

Raat bhi cherti marrti

Neendh bhi lutt gayi, chiin gayi

Raat bhi na sahi, na rahi

Raat bhi laazmi, zaalmi

Gaye tum gaye ho kyun, yeh raat baaki hai

Gaye tum gaye ho kyun, saath baaki hai

Gaye tum gaye hum tham gaye har baat baaki hai

Gaye kyun toh jiyein kyun

Gaye kyun toh jiyein kyun

Na aaye ho, na aaoge, na phone pe bulaoge

Na shaam ki karaari chai, labhon se yun churaoge

Enough to boil the blood!!!

Crazy traffic.. crazy people.. crazy weather.. crazy moods.. enough of this craziness already!! How often have we uttered these words or atleast heard someone else saying the same? I, for one, would top the charts when it comes to going completely mad with anger at all the stupids who drive the roads as if they own it!! Well mister, you aren't the only one who thinks so. Every one here is here to commit murder.. they wanna kill every car approaching them and thrash every little bugger who would even dare to cross paths!! I am no saint when it comes to driving! I love giving angry looks to any male chauvenist pig who would dare look at me with insolent eyes. Dude, I would hit your car/bike/person just to prove a point. And anyways you think me being a female, I would not drive well, so I should just prove you right. Thankfully, with my temper, I also carry my brains with myself. So I'm YET to do something so stupid.

However, all this craziness makes me think I'm also among the rat-race I so despise. I'm also doing what I can't tolerate in the other crazy junta. Does that make me yet another brick-in-the-wall? A nut-case who's out to smack someone just for the sake of it. No one could accuse me of being an angry young woman. In fact, I so rarely show my emotions, especially anger, that I sometimes wonder whether I put my angry cap on only when I'm driving? Phew!! Some questions are best left unanswered. Or shouldn't they?!

Missing you just doesn't get easier...

They say time heals all wounds. Memories fade as years pass by. However, there are certain events and people in life whose memories grow stronger everyday.

This one's dedicated to you mama...

I didn't say it enough times but I love you. You might not be here to listen to me say it or to see it in my eyes, but having you as my mother has been a true gift of God. We've had our share of disagreements, enough fights to last a lifetime, but every night I saw you sleeping and I told myself silently how much I love you. I just wish we had more years together. You had to pester me for so many more years to come.

Hearing some1 say you're no more is like a wake up call every time. Like someone has just burst my bubble and thrown ice-cold water on my face. B'coz I still feel you around. Or atleast I wish I felt you more than I already do. The first one week after you left us, people used to make us do all kinds of things as they believe the soul doesn't leave even if the body is gone. I used to fervently wish they were true. I just so wanted to feel your arms around me. To fight with you over petty issues. To share a cornetto with you. There are so many things we had to do mama. It was too soon. I so wish I could've done more for you. I so wanted to pamper you with my earnings. I wanted to take you travelling. I wanted to see you wearing jeans! Remember, how I used to always tell you I'll make you wear them once.

We never truly appreciate what we have till we lost it.. permanently. Mama, it would take my whole life to realize you're no more with us. To not have you in my job of getting a new job is like I'm on a ride, but the wind is against me. Every joy, every happiness is incomplete.For the whole world you were just someone. For me, you were my mother. I never really appreciated the meaning of the word till I lost you. But you didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye mama. It just isn't fair,alright?! Remember, how on our way back that evening you told me you also wanted to get better and I felt this time we'll fight it together. You didn't give me the chance mama. Had you so little faith in me?

Looking back at our pictures together, I can see your love in your eyes, in the way you used to hold me, protectively, proudly. Mom, I am what I am today because of you. Because I had a brave, fearless, honest, wonderful human being in my mother, I can be so confident and fearless. You never lied, cheated or did anything wrong. Yet life gave you a hard time. Di and me are both what we are today 'cause of you and dad. But still, the emptiness remains. I sometimes walk in the house, even our new house, feeling you'll come and open the door, ask me how was my day at work and tell me to not work my ass off. Hey mama, I got a new job! I would've taken you out to dinner!

There are so many things I want to tell you. So many times all I want is to hug you and have you hug me back. Even fighting with you and scolding you like a child was another world altogether. We are trying to live our life without you. But there's this emptiness in all our hearts which would never be filled. Words would never ever be enough and feelings would always remain.. feelings.. I just wished I could've said a last goodbye, kissed you goodnight, made you tea, had coffee made my you, had you scold me for not doing something, just had you around me.

I have a lot to say still but words have left me.. Nothing more to say than just this...Mama, I love you, more and more each day!! May you rest in peace. And please. Never ever forget us. I don't know what's it like up der ;-) But try telling dat jackass up there to just keep you reserved for me. I can't stand to think you'd be anyone else than my own mama. <3

Save the best for the last!

I didn't realize it till recently that I haven't updated my blog in ages. In fact, I wouldn't have even realized it had it not been pointed out to me. Sometimes, there's so much happening in your life, in a merry-go-round kinda way that you forget what you're leaving behind, what you're forgetting. Just that, in a merry-go-round, you actually have fun. In this ride, you just get caught up, without any thought or idea where the riden must be leading you.


Predictably, life's been playing around a lot with me lately, as would be evident from my last few posts. Strange though. Particularly because when I started out with this blog, I didn't have any idea what to pen down. I had thought about converting my blog into a travelogue, covering all the wonderful adventures I've been to. However, seeing all the unexpected happenings life takes you through, it's no wonder every time I sit down to write, I write about life!


There's so much in my mind. There's so much happening. When I actually sit down to write, I find that I have lots to share. However, sometimes the words aren't there, sometimes the feelings are too hard to describe. Even then, writing soothes you down so much. I can feel my mind become uncluttered. Writing, no doubt, is the best form of therapy. But then again, when all is said and done.. When the night falls and thoughts cloud your mind.. therez nowhere to hide.. Only silence.. Restless silence.... 

Why did we grow up?!! Random mishaps of the mind!!

I remember looking up at my sis who is thirteen years elder to me, envying the freedom she had.. to do what she wanted… going out with her friends… her opinions being valued by my parents cuz she was an adult, someone mature and responsible. I was so desperate to grow up.. so I wouldn’t have to wake up early to go to school.. so that I wouldn’t be scared in my Chemistry class ‘cuz I didn’t know a certain formula.. so that I could have the freedom to go out by myself.. so that my opinions are heard.

Today, I am somewhat there where I dreamt to be a few years back.. And looking back I question myself.. Was I in my right mind to want all those things while not appreciating what I had? I did not have a regular school life, thanks to having my mum at school.. But hey I was blessed with soo many wonderful friends.. those whom I treasure even today… I knew I would meet them the next day in school.. we would chat… we would play together… crib.. cry.. laugh… there would always be a tomorrow… A Saturday or Sunday meant heartbreak cuz that meant being away from friends…

I am 22 years old.. an adult if we go by age standards.. I earn.. I can go wherever I want.. with whoever I want… my opinions are valued.. in fact I make soo many decisions about so many things that it really scares me!! Life seems such an uphill battle.. If I’m happy, I’m questioning myself.. If I’m sad I’m blaming all the world and God.. to meet my friends, we all have to match our schedules.. then someone is free…someone isn’t! There is a constant battle in heart and mind about everything under the sun.. why the hell don’t we appreciate what we have till that is lost!! I wonder where life is taking me.. what’s right.. what’s wrong.. I question every action I take.. I cry watching a senti movie, then laugh at myself for being so stupid.. my heart and mind are at constant loggerheads… I miss my sister, I miss my friends.. I regret so many decisions in my life… I regret letting go of soo many people… and then I wonder what would’ve happened had I done things differently.. But then again, everything we say or do makes our life what it is today..

I used to get irritated earlier about the number of frndz and the lack of time to be with them all.. If I met one group, others used to be angry.. And I used to get tickled about how childish they acted.. Today I miss that.. I miss being missed.. I miss having the liberty of time… I don’t know where I am going.. what I am doing.. why I am doing.. Who do I wanna be with.. Who I wanna forget.. Wish life was just a little bit simpler… when the only decision I had to make was choosing the ice-cream flavor I wanted to have.. I soo wish not to show anyone what’s in my heart and mind.. Then again, I am pretty great at that as well, eh?!! I remember during winters I used to make caves with my quilt and pretended I was protecting my clan, my friends, my family within that cave.. Today, I again wanna roll back into that cave and just hide away.. from the world.. from myself.. my thoughts.. my feelings…

And at the end of these 600 odd words, I again wonder what the hell I wanted to write and what I actually put down!!!

Take a chance on me!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-crgQGdpZR0&feature=related

Take a chance on me... (ABBA)

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(That's all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
'Cos you know I've got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you
It's magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can't let go

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(Come on, give me a break will you?)
Take a chance on me
Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It's magic
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind
No I can't let go
'Cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me

Changing Ends...

And Life takes a turn.. for the better?!.. I surely do hope so!!!... For the worse?!... Sorry I'm not scared!!


A month back I was dejected still seemingly optimistic.. Angry stilll calm on the surface.... Scared still not willing to let others know... Just for the sake of myself!!!... I did not want to see all those emotions on other people's faces when they looked back at me!... It still felt good when I could wipe my friends' tears when I was sobbing within, when even if I was confused about life, I could make it a little more sense for someone, when even though I was scared inside, I still could see the hope on my parents' faces when they looked at me!

Frankly, life has not changed drastically since then. So I ponder what is difference this time round.. And I knw the answer.. My attitude!.. towards life in general. I want to believe that life would give me my share of joy, my share of peace!..

Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance...:-) :-) 

So I promised myself that I won't give up... I won't give in... I won't break.. When I'll smile, I'll mean it!.. Because my one smile lights up the faces of those who love me... for ME!! My family, my friends - MY WORLD. Wouldn't it be verry selfish of me that to run away from my life, I take them on my nightmarish journey too.. The devils inside me I have to fight!.. Better to have a smile on my face when I kill them than a scowl!

Much too often we take for granted those who are the closest to us, the ones who give without hesitation, we fail to show them how much they mean to us!!!..

 Now it's a new beginning for me!.. One full of hope, joy, optimism, love. Nothing has changed... apart from the way I look at things now!.. I do get angry.. But I get over it quickly... I do get sad.. But I don't let myself be like that for long.. I do get impatient.. But then I laugh it off as my special qualities!!!... Life isn't all that Haa Haa Hee Hee but then again ...I am Happy... When I smile, I know I'm content.. And even if life doesn't turn out to be the way I might want it, It's okie.. Atleast I'll be able to live it with a light heart!

I have always enjoyed meeting new people, sharing thoughts, understanding them, what makes some people similar, what makes them different... how some people have an easy view of life while some have a hardened opinion thanks to Life's trials!.. But I now know that hardship doesn't always mean misery, it also means strength!... So now when I'm meeting a lot of new people, getting to know them, I once more enjoy it whole-heartedly. 

Besides everything ofcourse, I'm back to writing.. whatever little.. whatever arbit I manage to write.. I do write.. and when afterwards I read it, most of the times I just laugh my head off.. I can really be pretty melodramatic at times :D And I devote time to reading.. something which I've intended for a long times now but haven't done in a while... It's great to BE BACK!

So for now, it's back to MiCoffee, MiFamily,MiFriendz,MiCricket,MiFood and MiLife :).. and hey It's not even THAT bad!! :P