Sometimes people you have the most confidence in, disappoint you the most. Sometimes knowingly, a lot of times unknowingly. It's on you to know when to walk away....

"Actions Speak Louder Than Words" ; Now I understand the true meaning of this phrase, especially when applied to Self!

LOST

The How's and Why's of Life!

There are some times in our life when we push and push some more. Some times for what we want, some times for what we might think we want, a few times even for things which we might not really want but having those things make us feel good about ourselves.

However, what of those times, when we chase things we might not understand, but know that somehow or the other, they are an integral part of what would become of us, in the near future or afterwards. These things define the very core of our needs and wants, they define what makes us - US, they give us a reason to keep pushing forwards, to keep fighting it out. 

Life is a strange mix of the haves and have nots, what we have we might not want, what we want we might not know, and even if we know we might not get those. Moreover, there are some times when suddenly we get it all and we don't know how to quite handle what we have got, we carry it with shaking hands, afraid to break what we have fought hard to get, for we know that once lost, all the power in the world will not be able to restore it to us. 

And that is what scares us. That is what scares us no end. Its not about getting things which matter, its all about keeping them safe - whether its friendship, or our family, or love; or even life for that matter!

The Nothingness of Being

A strange conversation with a very dear friend last evening got me thinking and made me sad about something each of us talk and think about everyday - sometimes with worry, sometimes with relief and I realize now, some with awe too.

Money - Can have enough of it, can't do without it either. How important it is though? Or rather, is it important enough to put a young man's mind to a restless state and completely in awe of someone else having enough of it to flaunt?

This friend in question is a strong, confident man in his own right, intelligent and smart enough to hold his head high and be seen and heard amongst all of his peers. Yet, how some one like him could be so easily influenced and taken aback by tall buildings, sight of his friend's house with the view of the mountain in a metropolitan and, last but not the least, of how one of his very dear newly wedded friend's husband could afford a highly affluent lifestyle, is something that irks me no end.

Visiting his friend got him worried whether he'll be able to afford an affluent lifestyle himself, whether he'll ever be able to own a house with a view, whether he'll ever have enough money to make OTHERS jealous of him was all he could talk about. And it got me wondering, none of this is about HIM. It's all about how OTHERS view HIM! How he looks and is seen to others, even this particular friend for that sake. 

Why do we earn money? Why do we need money? Why does anyone want to earn enough or too much. isn't it for THEMSELVES? So that they could do the things they want to do, so they wouldn't have to think twice before wanting to buy something They want to buy, travel somewhere which might cost them a bomb but bring experiences which would last them a lifetime. 

But no, this friend was more concerned with how his having money or the lack of it would distinguish him in front of people who might or might not matter. What difference does it make? He might be the one who came out and put things this way, but I have seen enough people act the same way, and its so flabbergasting. Why the hell must someone lost respect in your own eyes, doubt your abilities? Why do people want to IMPRESS? Why they want to live their lives for others? Why make other people's priorities your own? 

My mind is in a turmoil. I don't say I don't want money, or that I'm happy with enough to cover my body and have a roof on my head. I know I'm in a comfortable position in life just 'cuz my parents slogged their lives to provide enough for us. But I also know I would NEVER want something to prove a point to someone. 

Why bear the brunt of others' unnecessary expectations and priorities? Isn't one already over-burdened by one's own expectations and wants? 

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable..