Missing you just doesn't get easier...

They say time heals all wounds. Memories fade as years pass by. However, there are certain events and people in life whose memories grow stronger everyday.

This one's dedicated to you mama...

I didn't say it enough times but I love you. You might not be here to listen to me say it or to see it in my eyes, but having you as my mother has been a true gift of God. We've had our share of disagreements, enough fights to last a lifetime, but every night I saw you sleeping and I told myself silently how much I love you. I just wish we had more years together. You had to pester me for so many more years to come.

Hearing some1 say you're no more is like a wake up call every time. Like someone has just burst my bubble and thrown ice-cold water on my face. B'coz I still feel you around. Or atleast I wish I felt you more than I already do. The first one week after you left us, people used to make us do all kinds of things as they believe the soul doesn't leave even if the body is gone. I used to fervently wish they were true. I just so wanted to feel your arms around me. To fight with you over petty issues. To share a cornetto with you. There are so many things we had to do mama. It was too soon. I so wish I could've done more for you. I so wanted to pamper you with my earnings. I wanted to take you travelling. I wanted to see you wearing jeans! Remember, how I used to always tell you I'll make you wear them once.

We never truly appreciate what we have till we lost it.. permanently. Mama, it would take my whole life to realize you're no more with us. To not have you in my job of getting a new job is like I'm on a ride, but the wind is against me. Every joy, every happiness is incomplete.For the whole world you were just someone. For me, you were my mother. I never really appreciated the meaning of the word till I lost you. But you didn't even give me a chance to say goodbye mama. It just isn't fair,alright?! Remember, how on our way back that evening you told me you also wanted to get better and I felt this time we'll fight it together. You didn't give me the chance mama. Had you so little faith in me?

Looking back at our pictures together, I can see your love in your eyes, in the way you used to hold me, protectively, proudly. Mom, I am what I am today because of you. Because I had a brave, fearless, honest, wonderful human being in my mother, I can be so confident and fearless. You never lied, cheated or did anything wrong. Yet life gave you a hard time. Di and me are both what we are today 'cause of you and dad. But still, the emptiness remains. I sometimes walk in the house, even our new house, feeling you'll come and open the door, ask me how was my day at work and tell me to not work my ass off. Hey mama, I got a new job! I would've taken you out to dinner!

There are so many things I want to tell you. So many times all I want is to hug you and have you hug me back. Even fighting with you and scolding you like a child was another world altogether. We are trying to live our life without you. But there's this emptiness in all our hearts which would never be filled. Words would never ever be enough and feelings would always remain.. feelings.. I just wished I could've said a last goodbye, kissed you goodnight, made you tea, had coffee made my you, had you scold me for not doing something, just had you around me.

I have a lot to say still but words have left me.. Nothing more to say than just this...Mama, I love you, more and more each day!! May you rest in peace. And please. Never ever forget us. I don't know what's it like up der ;-) But try telling dat jackass up there to just keep you reserved for me. I can't stand to think you'd be anyone else than my own mama. <3

Save the best for the last!

I didn't realize it till recently that I haven't updated my blog in ages. In fact, I wouldn't have even realized it had it not been pointed out to me. Sometimes, there's so much happening in your life, in a merry-go-round kinda way that you forget what you're leaving behind, what you're forgetting. Just that, in a merry-go-round, you actually have fun. In this ride, you just get caught up, without any thought or idea where the riden must be leading you.


Predictably, life's been playing around a lot with me lately, as would be evident from my last few posts. Strange though. Particularly because when I started out with this blog, I didn't have any idea what to pen down. I had thought about converting my blog into a travelogue, covering all the wonderful adventures I've been to. However, seeing all the unexpected happenings life takes you through, it's no wonder every time I sit down to write, I write about life!


There's so much in my mind. There's so much happening. When I actually sit down to write, I find that I have lots to share. However, sometimes the words aren't there, sometimes the feelings are too hard to describe. Even then, writing soothes you down so much. I can feel my mind become uncluttered. Writing, no doubt, is the best form of therapy. But then again, when all is said and done.. When the night falls and thoughts cloud your mind.. therez nowhere to hide.. Only silence.. Restless silence....