Left unsaid

"Hearts are broken by the words left unsaid"

The End

"It matters how everything ends because that’s how you remember it."

I wonder...

I wonder
whose arms would I run and fall into
if I were drunk
in a room with everyone
I have ever loved - Anonymous

It's such a mad rush!!!

Life has become such a mad rush.. We are always rushing for something or the other.. Sometimes it's a rush to achieve something new.. at other times, to forget something bitter.. at times it is to outrun the world and its pain, sometimes in search for glorious exclaims! 

It's been over 4 years since mom passed away and already over 4 months since dad did.. two thirds of my life is yet to start and I've already lost two thirds of my immediate family. When I look back at their photographs, I sometimes have to pinch myself to realize so much time has passed. So much! Where? What have I really done all this while? Sure, I might have won a few businesses for my company, or over-taken a few BMW's on the road, left back some old friends and gathered a few more on the way. But what for? Sometimes all of it seems so futile. Where exactly is my life leading me to? Couldn't it have gone wherever it had to with my family still intact? With people I've loved at some time or the other still with me? Why is it that something needs to shatter so you build something new? Why the end for a new beginning? How much more destruction till the Gods up there think enough is enough? Not just for me personally, but for the world at large? So much destruction.. so much loss.. so much pain.. If not for those few left who love us wholeheartedly, where would we be? Where would I be?

It's such a mad mad rush.. 

#MusingsOfARestlessMind

The human heart...

The human heart has hidden treasures,

In secret kept, in silence sealed;­

The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,

Whose charms were broken if revealed.

And days may pass in gay confusion,

And nights in rosy riot fly,

While, lost in Fame's or Wealth's illusion,

The memory of the Past may die.

But, there are hours of lonely musing,

Such as in evening silence come,

When, soft as birds their pinions closing,

The heart's best feelings gather home.

Then in our souls there seems to languish

A tender grief that is not woe;

And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish,

Now cause but some mild tears to flow.

And feelings, once as strong as passions,

Float softly back­a faded dream;

Our own sharp griefs and wild sensations,

The tale of others' sufferings seem.

Oh ! when the heart is freshly bleeding,

How longs it for that time to be,

When, through the mist of years receding,

Its woes but live in reverie !

And it can dwell on moonlight glimmer,

On evening shade and loneliness;

And, while the sky grows dim and dimmer,

Feel no untold and strange distress­

Only a deeper impulse given

By lonely hour and darkened room,

To solemn thoughts that soar to heaven,

Seeking a life and world to come. —Charlotte Brontë

Happy 70th Dad!!!

Hey dad
Happy Birthday
A birthday unlike any before
So strange, so unreal
You would have turned 70
A grand old(young) age
I'm sure we would have been tinkling glasses
Making cake circles on ur cheeks
Playing with your moustache
Gifted you another Kurta may be
You would have been here with us
In all this madness, all this noise
In pune, being the youngest one amongst us
Surely dancing in "your" way
Reciting shero shayaris
Charming your way to everyone's heart - as usual
Hope you are having a rocking time up there Jaan
Surrounded by beautiful women - may be your and my mom ;)
Blowing 70 candles
Drinking the best wine and eating your favourite foods
No restrictions
No one stopping you
You in your happy zone
You - just happy
Happy 70th dad - our first without you!
We love you!
We miss you!!!

Life - A Whirlpool playing hide and seek

The last few years have been such a whirlwind - so much has happened. Good. Bad. Ugly. Met new people. Lost touch with old ones. Got close to people. Then got afar from them. Got busy with work. Then got sick of it sometimes. Experienced some of the most beautiful moments. Experienced the pit of darkness as well. Been nice to people. Been real shit too. 

New friendships forged, with possibilities of life-time togetherness. Started seeing some old friends in new light - putting down the rose-colored glasses. Called out on people who may be weren't worth it. Also made foolish mistakes.

Family - Another bout of illness in the family. Dad resiliently taking it all. Putting up fights with the illnesses, getting better and back on his feet, then down again, then up again. And finally losing the battle. My dad - my sunshine. The only one I have never been away from for an extended time period the last 26.5 years of my existence. The only constant in my life. My jaan. All I have left now is di. We laugh often that if something were to happen to either one of us, we would go mad. May be, we would. I don't have much faith in life anyways. 

Career - Got selected as YCO, Attended prestigious awards, got noticed, got to travel - within India and abroad. Endeavour was an eye-opener, so many people from all over the world bringing in their experiences and their cultures. Experimented at work. Left my main account to test the mobile waters. Unlearned all I knew. People who didn't know me. My work. Met shitty clients. Got to know the value of the good ones. Went back to 360 digital world again and interesting clients with a varied portfolio. Got to know a new team. Many new people at workplace. Laughed. Cried. Got more greys in my hair. And also excitement at cracking something new. Had tough moments when I wanted to just quit, but somehow didn't. Somehow couldn't.

Me - I am stronger than before. And then I realize I'm still so much weak. I am restless. I am still wandering through life. I have changed so much - sometimes even I don't recognize myself any longer. For better? Or Worse? Only time will tell. The only thing still the same about me is - I'm still discovering life. It's mysteries. It's brutalities. In some ways its beauty too, though that's hard to hold on, isn't it? 

And yes, I still don't understand life. Atleast that's something that I have carried on in life.

- RamblingsOfARestlessMind